Things are worse and I didn’t realize how badly I wanted to feel your touch until I felt my knees collapse under the weight of all my problems. I don’t need you, but I want you. It’s a lot easier to breathe when your hugging me than it is choking down oxygen of a broken home. Please come back. I’m so sorry.
please give me a second chance I want to hold your hand
Growing up is this strange thing, it’s a slow evolution but you never realize what’s happening until you wake up one morning & everything has changed. It’s as if you’ve just grown sick of all those things that came before—of despair, of the person who couldn’t love you back after all those years, of competing for a heart or a body. You realize that none of this is a competition. You put down the axe you were using to hack down other people’s spirits with as if they were trees. You learn what is functional & what isn’t—you refuse anything that isn’t. You hear the alarms go off & you evacuate the country instead of waiting for the city to explode underneath your feet. You leave. You leave. You leave.
"He’s not mine," she said. "And I don’t think he ever will be."
"And maybe that’s a good thing because things are never how you imagine and having expectations only ever sets you up for disappointment."
"But I can’t help but wonder what lying in his arms would be like," she told the sky, "I can’t help but imagine being close enough to feel his breath on mine and his skin on my skin."
She closed her eyes and felt the wind run it’s fingers through her hair, and imagined he was beside her.
"He’s going to kill me you know," she whispered to the moon,"he’s going to commit murder and the worst part is he won’t even know it."
I’m just a sad girl with a broken mind,
and you are a beautiful boy, a one of a kind.
I’m sorry I’m so much trouble in the middle
of the night, it’s just the hardest time to fight.
It kills me, all that I put you through, most the
time I feel like I don’t deserve you. Before I
met you I did it all myself, I had no one, only
the books on my shelf. I’d escape by reading
and writing most the time, the longest I’d go
without hurting myself was a week at prime.
I had a small list of reasons to keep on going
every day, yet none of them truly made me
want to stay. It was until I met you, my skies
started to look more blue. You’d chase away
the clouds over my head, and you were the
biggest reason I never wished to be dead.
I have found the one person I stayed strong
for, the one person who kept me wanting more.
I have been trying so hard to be a better
person, a better version of me. Yet deep
down half as strong as you are, is all I hope
to be. You have saved me from so much
more than you know, I could never, ever
let you go. You’re my prized possession,
the silver lining through this depression.
I love you so goddamn much keep that in
your heart, no sadness or hurt will
keep us apart. I love you, I love you..
1) A boy telling you you’re pretty won’t make you see the beauty in the fullness of your cheeks, in redness of your lips at 2 in the morning when tequila is making the bar bathroom spin. He can’t take away the ugliness that you see in yourself, you have to do that.
2) You have to be ready to hear someone say they love you. You have to be ready, and you have to be willing, and you have to listen. Because sometimes, they won’t say those three words, they’ll put a blanket over you while you’re watching a movie, they’ll kiss your cheek when they think you’re asleep, they’ll smile when they see you first thing in the morning. But you, you have to be willing to see it, feel it, let it in. Letting someone love you takes practice.
3) Don’t make compromises you can’t live with. Compromise is a different version of what you want, not a whole other Universe.
4) Learn to say no. No - to a movie you don’t want to watch; no - to sex you don’t want to have, no- to a relationship that’s driving you mad. Say no - to things that hurt you, to people that extinguish your fire, to jobs you hate and places that are desolate. There are bad things that we can’t control, bad things that happen and we are sucked into and have to feel with every fibre of our being, but the rest - learn to distance yourself, learn to say no.
5) Don’t expect people to walk through fire for you - not your parents, not your friends, not the person you’re in love with. Love doesn’t mean sacrifice, love shouldn’t mean sacrifice. Don’t expect someone to give away pieces of them, so they could fit you better. And don’t feel hurt when they refuse to - it’s self-preservation. Instead - learn from them. Do it as well.
6) Don’t tether yourself to people. Learn to make connections, to love, with both your feet steady on the ground. Learn to let people pass through your life; like a summer breeze, not a storm that’s just been unleashed.
7) Learn the difference between growth and growing up before it’s too late. Rooftops and water fights and ice cream for breakfast can be a part of your life at 10, 25, or 35. But by the time you’re 35 you need to learn to say enough, to be able to walk away, you need to be able to love yourself. Love yourself the way you loved yourself at 10, before the world had a chance to fill your head with ugliness.